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The Clawfice
The Clawfice is a take-off of NBC's the Office and is spoofed with the X-Men.'' This segment is from MAD Season 1, Episode 25: [[Ribbitless / The Clawfice|'Ribbitless / The Clawfice']]. Summary There is only one man tough enough to run the Office, and that is Wolverine from the X-Men! References *[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Office_%28U.S._TV_series%29 ''the Office] *Westchester County *Wolverine *Scranton *Storm *X-Mansion *Cyclops *Jean Grey *Nightcrawler *Rogue *Iceman *Beast *Magneto *"That's what she said" Quote Characters *James Duncan "Jim" Halpert *Pamela Morgan "Pam" Halpert *Joleen MaryAnn "Jo" Bennett *Andrew "Andy" Baines Bernard *Oscar Jual Paul Martinez *Wolverine *Storm *Ryan Bailey Howard *Cyclops *Phyllis Margaret Vance *Kelly Rajnigandha Kapoor *Dwight Kurt Schrute III *Jean Grey *Nightcrawler *Rogue *Meredith Elizabeth Palmer *Iceman *Angela Noelle Martin *Beast *Stanley James Hudson *Magneto Transcript (Scene starts with the cast of the Office sitting in chairs. Also in the background we can hear telephones ringing.) (Jim walks in the room) Jim Halpert: What's going on? Pamela Morgan: Video conference. Jo Bennett: (On monitor) Sit down, Jim. I've got some news. Ever since Michael left, we haven't found a suitable replacement, so I'm merging you guys with the Westchester Office. (The people start to wonder and get worry. Also the scene zooms on Andy Bernard) Jo Bennett: Their team leader seems like a good fit. Oscar Martinez: I didn't know there was a Westchester branch. (Somebody claws the door from the outside and then breaks it to reveal Wolverine... the beginning of a mutant mess in the office!) Wolverine: There's a lot you don't know, bud, which is why we're slashing jobs. (Wolverine picks up Oscar and throws him out the window) Oscar Martinez: Uh. Ahh! Wolverine: (Panting) (Scene goes to Pamela and Jim looking scared while Wolverine is breathing) (Scene goes to Jim Halpert in an alone room) Jim Halpert: I can't wait to see what they're gonna call this mess. (The scene goes around to see the setting of the place while the theme song plays) (Wolverine inside his office slides a trophy of himself on the desk) (Scene then goes to a sign with a man and another man in a wheelchair and then to the title card "The Clawfice" with Wolverine slashing it once) Wolverine: Everybody, meet the Westchester Team. (Scene goes to the X-Men team) Jim Halpert: The X-Men? You guys sell paper, too? Storm: Uh, it's called Xavier's School for the Gifted. Selling paper just happens to be one of our "gifts". Wolverine: Plus I'm 150 years old. Do you know how many jobs I've had? Ryan Howard: No, I don't. (Cyclops shoots laser out of his mask and it hits Ryan, destroying him and leaving a hole in the wall) Wolverine: In the world of sales, you've got to know things. You also have to hustle and be able to control the weather. Phyllis Lapin-Vance: Uh, how does that help with... (Storm summons a lightning onto Phyllis, shocking her) Phyllis Lapin-Vance: No further questions. Wolverine: So here's the deal. Whichever team outperforms the other team gets to stay. (Scene goes to Kelly Kapoor in an alone room) Kelly Kapoor: At this point I don't even want to stay. But that Cyclops is cute. (Scene resumes to Wolverine in another room) Wolverine: Let the games begin. (Scene goes to Pamela near a print machine) Pamela Halpert: Paper jam! (Jim comes with a screwdriver to fix it) (Dwight Schrute runs in) Pamela Halpert: I need this to go to shipping. (Dwight runs with paper) (Scene goes to X-Men team) Jean Grey: I need a staple remover. (Wolverine cuts it and removes staple) (Nightcrawler jumps in) Jean Grey: I need this to go to New York. (Nightcrawler poofs out of existence, all the way to New York) (Scene goes to Rogue and Storm) Storm: Rogue, touch one of them so you can absorb their knowledge of the office. (Rogue touches Meredith Palmer and absorbs her) Rogue: Suddenly I'm depressed. I don't feel like doing anything. Meredith Palmer: Honey, come with me. I've got just the thing. (Scene goes to Andy and Iceman) Andy Bernard: You'd like 37 orders? Excellent. Iceman: Better freeze him in his tracks so I can catch up. (Angela Martin runs in) Angela Martin: Forget it, pal. I'll give you a cold stare like you've never seen before. (Angela begins her cold stare which freezes Iceman. Ouch!) (Scene goes to Stanley Hudson and Beast doing crossword puzzles) Beast: You know, I've never been able to finish one of these. Stanley Hudson: Probably 'cause you're working too hard. Gotta spend more time focusing your thoughts. (Scene goes to Wolverine in an alone room... with Jim) Wolverine: My team is getting destroyed! Jim Halpert: Actually, it's a lot cuter if you say it like this: "Can you believe my team is getting destroyed?" (Shrugs hands) Wolverine: (Facepalm) Aargh! You even give testimonies better than us. (Scene goes to Cyclops without his visor) Cyclops: (While knocking stuff down) Where's my visor? Where's my visor? (Scene goes to Dwight Schrute wearing Cyclop's visor in an alone room) Dwight Schrute: I've written enough Sci-fi fan fiction to know when a cool trade is in order. (Scene resumes to Dwight's glasses on table) Cyclops: Oh, here it is. (Cyclops picks up Dwight's glasses and automatically shoots laser out of his eyes, making a destruction on his team's property.) X-Men Team: (Screaming) (Scene sees a boom in front and when it goes away, we see Nightcrawler holding a surrunder flag for the X-Men team) Wolverine: Well, I guess I know who my new team is. (Scene goes to the Office cast wearing costumes with hero/success music playing) (Scene goes to Wolverine in an along room) Wolverine: But let's face it, those members rotate so often, who can keep track? (Scene resumes to Wolverine and the New X-Men team. Also hero/success music is still playing) Wolverine: Never forget, your job is to sell paper, take inventory, and of course, defeat Magneto. New X-Men Team '('Office Cast): What? (Scene goes to Magneto appearing and getting ready to attack) New X-Men Team '('Office Cast): AAH! IT'S MAGNETO! (Back to Wolverine in an alone room.) Wolverine: That's what she said. (Segment ends) Trivia *When Jo Bennett spoke in the Video, she had a dog behind her. *In this segment, Wolverine was wearing a tie. *The two people who were fired or eliminated from the Office was Oscar and Ryan. *In all, there were seven scenes where people spoke in an alone room. *The sign at the door says Munder Difflin. However in the Office, it says Dunder Mifflin. *The cup Wolverine had near the beginning at the title where he put a trophy of himself said "World's Angriest Boss." *At the title, Wolverine cut off part of the e in "Clawfice." *In all, three people from the Office got hurt, Oscar, Ryan and Phyllis. *There was eight (including Wolverine) X-Men members vs. nine Office Members. *When Wolverine grabbed Oscar, Wolverine's right glove was blue instead of yellow. *How did MAD get away with saying "That's what she said"? WE WANT ANSWERS! NOW! *Antagonist: Magneto *Although Storm said that selling paper just has to be one of the X-Men's "gifts", it really isn't. Category:TV parodies Category:TV Segment Category:Transcripts Category:Segments Category:Death